I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
