All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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