I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Enjoy the penises
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
