Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
