When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I love having hate sex.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
