I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
