i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
