I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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