I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
