I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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