I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
