Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
