Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
