before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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