The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
