Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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