I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm both gender and math confused
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
