There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize