Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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