She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
