If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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