Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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