already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
