why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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