She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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