All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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