Don't you send me to vm
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
