three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
