she woke up with a sticky ear
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
