Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
