everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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