dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he just fucked me for my cheese.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
