i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
