I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
