im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
