All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
