I wish I could teleport
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just want nice things and good sex
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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