Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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