you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
