I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
