You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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