the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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