I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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