bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
