I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
