Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
