woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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