My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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