I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Randomize
