My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
