we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
