Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
