You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Even my vagina gasped.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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