somebody snuck up and got me drunk
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
