I accidentally had phone sex last night
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
