I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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