Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
