i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
