I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
