Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
