Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
