Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Panties = found
Randomize
