can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize