Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
