I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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