I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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