You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
