i may or may not be watching the land before time
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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