When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
