We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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