just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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