honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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