ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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