Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
