he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
