just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize