So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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