I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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