Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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