Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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